confessions of a bible major: deliverer.

during one of the songs at church tonight, it dawned on me that i'm not very good at believing in God sometimes.
...  say what?  ...
yep. i know that sounds a bit crazy, but it's quite true. of course i believe He exists. most of the time, i believe He loves me (who doesn't doubt that occasionally, during rough times?). i have no problem believing that He is active in this world and intervenes on behalf of people. but i have serious issues with truly believing that He *will* deliver me from the situations i face.
i know that deliverer is a common name for God and all. trust me. in fact, i did a search and got 228 responses. that is not a small number. that's a big number! (homestar runner, anyone?)
i deeply crave God's deliverance in my life, but at the same time, i have never really consciously thought about it.
a lot of times in my life, i've had to tough it out. of course the biggest emotional bog that comes to mind is this last deployment. jobless, in a new town with very few friends... i so wanted God to plop answers in my lap. instead, i faced rejection, loneliness and disappointment for the better part of a year.
while i certainly don't know how God's deliverance will play itself out in my life, i do know that psalm 40, in its entirety, is going to be my prayer for the coming year. because it is only by God's strength and deliverance that i'll make it through.
here's to believing, without a doubt, in His ability to deliver me.
--
...how have you experienced His deliverance in your life?

whelmed.

i have a couple of recipes waiting to post, but i'm so frazzled after today that i just can't muster the energy to pull pics from my camera, upload and edit them, save them and insert them.
i'm definitely a bit beyond whelmed, certainly falling into the over- category. jade had her first trip to the pet supply store today, and boy was it stressful. she hates car rides (stems from being abused as a pup) and in all the craziness, i had to put her in the car (the worst part - she tries so hard to bolt that she almost pulled out of her harness) four times. she's out like a light and snoring like only she can, and i'm sure it's because she's as emotionally and physically exhausted as i am from the whole ordeal. and, of course, we have a vet checkup scheduled for tomorrow. here's hoping the rain will hold off for that time frame so we can walk there.
and, to top it all off... there's the whole business about the possible (impending?) government shutdown. while i am trying to take it as it comes, i really don't know what i'll do if it actually happens and lasts longer than a couple of days, since we've already been paid for the first half of the month and our next paycheck is the 15th. overall, i'm quite upset at the very possibility that actively-serving military members might have to wait to be paid until the government is back in order. there has just got to be another option.
now that i'm all nervous and jittery again, i think it's time to call it a night and let you answer the fun question my friend jordan asked our small group: if you had a magic wand that could grant you one wish, what would you have it do?