long days and rambling thoughts.

in my drawn-out weekend, i forgot last night was sunday, so i forgot to post for today! oops! it also means no quippy quotation at the end. too bad.
my weekends are the loneliest and emptiest days - aside from church, i usually don't even get in the car. i certainly could go somewhere, but between trying to keep fuel use to a minimum and feeling lonelier when i venture out alone, the motivation is pretty much nil.
i love living in a new place. and i wish i could have brought along at least one of my friendships from college. i ache for unexpected visits, late-evening chats over hot mugs of homemade chai, outings to nearby cities, and carpooling to church. just to name a few. of course i remember lonely or boring weekends in college. the difference is... i often had someone to share them with. and cute as she is, jade isn't much comfort when i haven't seen a human face since thursday night. though she is cute. see?

on defending friends.

i tend to be fiercely loyal.
only a few times in my life have i been put in a position of hurting deeply for a friend's pain and struggle. but i remember those times so clearly. each time, my reaction has been disproportionate to the situation. because i love deeply and hurt deeply, i defend strongly.
in high school (or was it junior high?), i embarrassed a friend by standing up for her publicly, when all she wanted was to move past the situation. in college, i took sides and nearly ended a beautiful friendship with my coldness and bitterness. on another occasion, i nearly succeeded at writing off all the good things i learned from someone because they hurt a dear friend of mine. for each poor choice in each situation (and others i've not mentioned here), i am resoundingly sorry.
i regret all of those actions to my core, but in all honesty, part of me is glad i made the mistakes. from these, i learn and grow. regret blooms into change, if allowed to see the light of awareness.

"look not mournfully into the past. it comes not back again. wisely improve the present. it is thine. go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear." - henry wadsworth longfellow