confessions of a bible major: deliverer.

during one of the songs at church tonight, it dawned on me that i'm not very good at believing in God sometimes.
...  say what?  ...
yep. i know that sounds a bit crazy, but it's quite true. of course i believe He exists. most of the time, i believe He loves me (who doesn't doubt that occasionally, during rough times?). i have no problem believing that He is active in this world and intervenes on behalf of people. but i have serious issues with truly believing that He *will* deliver me from the situations i face.
i know that deliverer is a common name for God and all. trust me. in fact, i did a search and got 228 responses. that is not a small number. that's a big number! (homestar runner, anyone?)
i deeply crave God's deliverance in my life, but at the same time, i have never really consciously thought about it.
a lot of times in my life, i've had to tough it out. of course the biggest emotional bog that comes to mind is this last deployment. jobless, in a new town with very few friends... i so wanted God to plop answers in my lap. instead, i faced rejection, loneliness and disappointment for the better part of a year.
while i certainly don't know how God's deliverance will play itself out in my life, i do know that psalm 40, in its entirety, is going to be my prayer for the coming year. because it is only by God's strength and deliverance that i'll make it through.
here's to believing, without a doubt, in His ability to deliver me.
--
...how have you experienced His deliverance in your life?

confessions of a bible major. (#2)

#2 - sometimes, because i habitually analyze as i read, reading the bible is exhausting when it should be refreshing.

i've never been a fast worker (though i can read and comprehend quickly if i do not need to understand all the nuances), but doing my "homework" for a women's bible study at church probably takes me longer than it should. i don't often just read a verse, passage or chapter. i study, and sometimes even consult the greek or hebrew texts. i spend (too much?) time wondering what that word really means, or why a specific word was used instead of another.
in all of this, i often veer off the path i started on and lose sight of the finish line.  and this is something i'd really love to change.

"properly, we should read for power. man reading should be man intensely alive. the book should be a ball of light in one's hand." - ezra pound

confessions of a bible major (#1)

[[here begins my first series of posts. i plan to spread out my little confessions, interchanging them with regular posts without any real regularity. i'll post these as they come to mind, and they won't always be so serious-sounding as this one. promise.]]

#1 - i tend to dislike paraphrases, as a rule.

when people quote the message, i often cringe. no offense intended, now, but i don't like the idea of basing my faith, beliefs or actions on something so fluid. there is so much interpretation involved in paraphrases, and that makes me nervous. sure, some of the "verses" are pretty spot-on, or hard to mess with, or whatever. and no, not everyone knows greek and hebrew. i don't expect that.
mostly, i tend to feel that such weighted interpretations belong in commentaries, not in "bibles." because too many people who don't know better believe paraphrases to be more accurate than they sometimes are.
i don't expect everyone to adopt my stance and habits of avoiding paraphrases altogether. i do, however, want to help people be aware of what they read, encourage them to analyze paraphrases more carefully, and use them sparingly as simply a resource instead of a main text.
God's word is too important to take lightly, and it deserves our full respect and care in both reading and interpreting.

"what you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth." - jewish proverb